There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
