The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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