How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
