What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
