i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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