So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
