Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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