I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
