Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
