I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
