And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
they need to just BURY HIM!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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