it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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