i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
