Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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