I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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