i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
