I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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