i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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