Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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