i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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