____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dear god my vagina.
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