I'm so fucking centered right now
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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