can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm always down for nudity.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
