Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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