i think my mom watched the whole time
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
