Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
