Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
