I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
