i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
