turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
