he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
