You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
