My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
