is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
