I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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