YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
