Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
