So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
