2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
