that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
