I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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