Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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