Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
