i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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