apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
