im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
