How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
