I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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