I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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