My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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