I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
do herpes really smell.
my shit smells like andre
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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