I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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