Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
