I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
