wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
