I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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