i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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