Got a toothbrush?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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